Now

Now we must write poetry.

In the past two days I have had two very difficult, intimidating meetings. So scary and intimidating that I have missed two nights of sleep. When I was a little girl I would often lie awake and a) listen to the blood in my ears, b) imagine conversations with people.

My heart would beat. My stomach would clench with fear or excitement. Many nights I lost sleep to these conversations.

Now I don't listen to the blood in my ears because I'm no longer afraid of witches. (the whooshing sound was a witch breathing somewhere nearby). I lie in bed and imagine over and over the conversation I will have or the one I just had. I will turn and turn over the phrases that will make my point, or the ones that failed miserably.

In this way I prepare for meetings where I have to teach and exhort and soothe and support.

My face gets very flushed. I talk quickly. I gesture extravagantly with my hands in these meetings. I often read passages of text for emphasis. They are over, however.

How is my ladyness expressed in these meetings where I take charge, where I direct and dictate? My voice becomes deeper, but I talk more quickly. I take a firm, wide stance but make shapes with my hands. My cheeks become pink but my hair is firmly clipped.